Disclaimer: “#1” does not necessarily mean that a number 2 will ever follow.
More or less a contination of our previous blog entry.
Dear friends and family,
Our air-freight also arrived that day (Mon, 13 Aug) – three huge boxes – so we had enough stuff to survive for a while; the idea was that if house-hunting would take long, we could last until December with it. That afternoon I went to the office for some introductions and paper work, and the first impression was very good. A lot of really young colleagues, who compensate their lack of experience with enthusiasm to learn and to have fun – and with the ability to keep you busy like crazy. And the best part is that they come to you with questions and problems because you know everything, have invented geophysics, know how the world works, are a genius, and are simply fantastic to listen to … I tell you – that’s an experience, worth working your butt off for. Just the dark and evil idea that within two weeks they’ll know better is a little depressing – but then I’ll cry on Mieke’s shoulder, who will then enjoy the idea “I know what is best, and how to keep a middle-aged man out of depression”.
So far I haven’t used the words noise (UFN – you figure it out), garbage (UFG – you probably got it by now, otherwise re-read part I), and I won’t do now. But you get the idea (the Yankees among you may require some more hints – feel free to ask). I mentioned the cows already, but some more on the theme. They are funny, and have guts; lying in the middle of a busy road, without food or whatever, just some garbage to nibble on, takes character, and an enormous amount of stupidity. Tim counted more of 40 of them on our way back from church last Sunday. Talking about animals, we had to get rabies shots (three each; they are funny shots – particularly kids and teens really like them; I easily won all sparring against Tim the days after he got them). And not for nothing … There are thousands of dogs roaming everywhere; almost all of them without a collar (Dutchies: that means they are wild), and without any fat. Normally when I see an animal, I always think of how many of them would be required to feed me. Normally, dogs – the bigger ones – score fairly well on my efficiency scale. Not the ones in B’lore, though – no give me the Texan ones any time of the year. They normally don’t attack people, I think; maybe only the little kids who throw stones – and then it is fair. Definitely not TaeKwon-Do black belts … I think. Anyway, I love those rabies shots. By the way, apparently those shots are particularly to protect against bites of bats, rather than dogs. This started making sense when we picked up our residence permit: In some large trees around the building where hundreds of bats hanging in the branches, making noise like a thousand teenage girls – and they where huge! Some of them where flying around, and I think that some had a wingspan of around 70 cm (US: 27.559055 in). I checked with Mieke because I tend to exaggerate for dramatic effect, but she agrees this time.
On Tuesday and Wednesday (14&15 August), Mieke and I went with a lady on house-hunting trips. The very first house she showed was a direct hit; the sub-division was superb – away from the noise, with great facilities in the (gated) community, called Palm Meadows (Google’able for those interested). We loved that first house, but went to other places as well, which was a good idea, because we changed our first love on the second day – that’s how shallow we are – for a somewhat larger house with some garden, also in Palm Meadows (#59 – you can Google it up). It fell within our (Shell) budget, and Mieke started looking happy already by only thinking about it. I liked it a lot as well, but on the house, Mieke would have the final and dominant say (on most things, anyway). Shell entertains me most days, Indus does the same for Tim, but she has to start a life from scratch, so a good house helps. Unfortunately, the negotiations with the landlord (not done by us) are not going smoothly, and it is far from sure that we’ll be able to secure the house. Shell has some conditions regarding the contract that some landlords don’t feel comfortable with (like a 4-year lease, and not shorter). Anyway, we hope and pray for the best. Mentioning landlords – they are bandits for the rents they ask (like 2.5 times the mortgage we paid in Houston); but international companies are willing to pay.
It is incredible what is being built here – B’lore is the second fastest growing city in the world! Lots of international companies are already here, or are coming in – and B’lore is called the Silicon Valley of India. This boosts prices for houses dramatically; I believe 20-fold in the last 5 years. Building those buildings is a very interesting process. On a large one, there are hundreds of construction workers (50 Rupees/day). Each one carries a pot to carry cement, stones, or whatever is needed and by a mass human labor effort the building will be completed. I have been told that apart from the supervisors, the workers cannot read or write. They are born in the laborers caste (class), and are doomed from birth to follow in their parents steps. Coming from the office, I see them coming out of the work place at 6pm – hundreds, men, women, teenager boys and girls, most with a yellow helmet that can also be used to carry stuff in and on. Walking back home, or wherever they stay. Many also stay with their families in small tents next to the construction sites, or in the sites themselves. I try to observe their faces, and even though I am an emotional zilch, it really hurts to see many among them showing in their expression and way of looking that they would possibly end up being doctors, teachers, and whatever if born at another place on the planet. It frustrates me when Radju tells me that these workers do not send their kids to school to get out of the ongoing circle, and that they as well as the government at large apparently accept the status quo.
This workers thing was one of the three things that appalled me so far. The second was the presence of men dressed in women’s clothes begging at certain corners of the street. These men were given to the priests and the temple after their birth, were castrated, and dedicated for a life-long service to the temple. Many Indians give them money, because they believe that those guys could otherwise put a spell over them. How can parents ever do a thing like that to their kids?! The third thing that shocked me was the presence of young girls (around 4-12 years old) who perform tricks – salto’ing, turning with hula-hoops, etc. – in the middle of large, very busy junctions when traffic has to wait for a traffic sign or cop. When the cars, scooters, and tuk-tuks start to accelerate again, they run to the side of the road for safety. Mieke had a girl the other day who was so small that she could not even look into the car when she knocked on the window asking for money. It suffices to say that we need to get our mind and behavior around this. Giving money is not a good idea – only motivates them and there masters / parents to do it even more – and giving sweets or something may get such a small girl in trouble at the end of the day.
So far my whining part. After two weeks in the Royal Orchid we moved to a neighboring apartment complex (“Diamond District”). This meant moving 3 huge boxes, 3 suitcases, 2 duffel bags, 3 back-packs, and some more stuff. Mieke organized this, since I was at work – and I would have loved to see this! She had asked the previous day if the hotel could provide help, and of course “Okay, no problem” (we should have known better, by now). So when Mieke, after some waiting, went down to the reception to ask about where everybody was, one guy finally turned up at our rooms with some sort of trolley. He managed on his own (normally you have at least 20 people helping, but not today) to load the crazily heavy boxes on his trolley, and bring all the stuff down to the lobby eventually. And there it remained. Imagine all that junk in the lobby of the 5-star hotel, and then … nothing. So Mieke asked “So what now, I had asked that you guys could transport the stuff to the Diamond apartments?”. Lot of talking back and forth; there was no large enough car – well, there was nothing. Finally, one of the senior staff members picked up her own car, and all that mess was stuffed into it and brought to the Diamond in a few rounds. All the time Mieke was standing there as the Iron Lady giving orders, checking that nothing was taken or opened, and at the same time for sheer life hanging on the back-pack with all the really important papers like passports, money and stuff. Oh, and many of the workers were not particularly English majors, thus making the giving orders bit pretty funny (from the perspective of the husband drinking coffee while sitting on his lazy chair in the office with young ex-college kids standing around him to suck in his wisdom).
Finally, all stuff was dumped into the lobby of the Diamond – here the lobby was completely full. Luckily, there where a lot of Chiefs, but even more Indians, and all luggage was eventually taken to our apartment on the second floor. Mieke’s only flaw was that she got confused a bit about giving the right amount of tips, so there will be a lot of celebration in some homes for the weeks ahead (not my home, though). On the Diamond, even I can be short. It’s okay, old, dirty (Mieke’s view), and a pretty good place to leave as soon as possible (Mieke & Tim’s view – I don’t see the dirt so much, like it took me 6 months periods as a student to see enough dirt that it encouraged me to vacuum clean my dorm room again). In my view the apartment is fairly large, has a television in each room, and has two beds, so Tim doesn’t have to sleep between my wife and I. So I’m good.
Man, this is getting long; and all typing done with two fingers. It’s probably as painful for me typing as for all y’all reading. There are so many impressions here – important for us, and boring as heck for most of you – so it’s hard to call it quits, and I’ll ramble on some more. After 2.5 weeks, Tim’s school goes okay. Still chaotic (e.g., he got his laptop after over two weeks, and he hasn’t received most of his books yet). He gets along well with the other kids, so our concern that he as minority white-face and only red head would have trouble mixing has not come true. In actual fact, we think they sort of like him as some sort of specialty. I’m already thinking about how much dowry I want to get in a few years. Mieke has joined a Women’s Bible study and the Overseas Women Club. And she goes already shopping on her own (with Radju) to all sorts of funny places – she will make it here. She is becoming good friends with a number of other ladies, and I’m not afraid that Radju and she will come too close; their communication and fellowship seems to stop at a fairly shallow level. So I’m good again. A few days back, an Indian friend from Oman, Kavitha, called us, and it was a lot of fun hearing a familiar voice after a long time again. She invited us for her wedding in December (in Chennai, on the East Coast), so that will be our first Indian wedding and likely a lot of fun (provided the food is enough and good, but I bet it will be). Last weekend we visited friends of friends of ours from Houston. Notwithstanding that they were Americans, the visit was really great, and we hope to stay in regular contact, although we’ll live in different parts of the town. That’s part of the attractiveness of being an expat – you meet a lot of very interesting people from all over the world. Imagine, meeting mostly Dutch people all your life; we Dutch ourselves could only handle that with difficulty, but for humans that must be horrible.
Some more stories – what the heck; those who continue reading this far have nothing better to do, or have deep faith that somewhere, near the end, it may become readable (that’s a lost case, my friends). The Hydes had their roof repaired by at least two men. After a period of four hours one of them went up (the house is huge, so it takes some action to do this) to have a look at the progress. The workers were all fast asleep on the roof. Almost as funny as in a recent Shell conference where in the back of a meeting room a colleague also fell asleep and started snoring (no, not me). Gerda Epping had two guys working to clean the newly build house. She ended up cleaning herself, while the fearless warriors were watching TV in her own house. Again a Hyde’s story – their maid nicely ironed all laundry in order to put it nicely back into the cupboards. Funny thing was that it was dirty laundry (you can imagine the smell coming from under the ironer). They also had two cobras in their garden – these are kinda deadly. That’s the kind of neighborhood where you ask rowdy neighbor kids to come play in your garden.
When you ask experts about B’lore, they say all more or less the same: “the traffic is horrible, and the climate is fantastic”. Both are true. Now it’s rainy season here (Jul-Oct), and it rains only a few days a week, and mostly at night, so that’s not bad at all. The temperature now is great – somewhere in the mid-20s deg C (70s deg F). Humidity is low, so it feels just good. Summer is not too warm, and winter is not cold. Year round temperatures are roughly between 20-34 deg C. B’lore is at a height of 3000ft/1000m, and that helps.
Today, 29 Aug, it’s Tim’s 16th birthday. As a present, I did nice to the kid for a whole day. And he got a really nice mobile phone – without a SIM card yet, so it’s only nice to look at. Well, he got some other stuff as well that already does work (like a book). Another two years and he’ll leave us and go to college (or whatever). I’m already working on damage control with Mieke, with the main tactic that two years is still fairly far away, and that after that she can always join me on trips irrespective of school holidays. And Tim may even go to Honolulu Institute of Higher Learning – and that happens to be a place that we still want to visit. Also today we heard that the house seems to work out after all. Until all is signed, everything can still go wrong, but so far we’ll sleep happy and dream about cobras in our own garden, workers sleeping on our own roof or watching TV while we are cleaning.
If you made it reading all the way down, you’re either family, a real friend, or in desperate need of counseling. In any case, warm thanks! For the rest of you who started reading here again, you’ll never know what you’ve missed and how enriched your life could have been. But I sympathize with you. We hope to meet all y’all again, and to stay in contact! And whoever of you happens to be in or near B’lore, chances are that you are the category that can stay in our house, if you wish.
God bless,
Bastian, on behalf of the pretty members of our gang
Last remark: Since 4 days our Hotmail account has been closed for some obscure reason. We are trying to get it resolved, but in the mean time bmtblonk@hotmail.com doesn't work.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
First update from India!
Update Blonks – 19 August, 2007
Dear family, friends, and undecided category,
The last couple of months have been kind of hectic for us, and therefore we have probably forgotten to mention to a number of you that we were moving from Houston, Texas, to Bangalore, India. Well, we did. Apologies for this mass update; we’ll do our best to answer all personal emails, but hereby we can at least share our status in an efficient way. We intend to send something every couple of months – but we also intended that when we moved to Muscat and to Houston. So don’t hold your breath. For some of you this is already long enough, so feel free to move down to our best regards. For others, below some highly irrelevant news, that will still beat CNN on a bad day.
The last weeks in Houston were occupied with saying goodbye to friends, finalizing the sale of our house and cars, and completing all preparations for the move, like getting Indian Visas, packing and shipping of the household (suitcases, airfreight, and container stuff). The saying-goodbye part was the most difficult, and we will greatly miss our personal friends, friends from Bear Creek Community Church, Global TaeKwon-Do, and from Shell, and we’ll try hard to visit Houston again in the years ahead to meet with them again. When we moved to Houston five years ago, many people told us that that city would be horrible. They were so wrong. We have loved the place, as well as we have loved just living in Yankee Country, and for a long time to come we will think of it as home.
After a week of vacation in Banff National Park (Canada), we flew into Houston for one more night, where around 01:30hrs we found out that perfectly open junkfood joints serve you only if your butt is placed on a car seat, and that walking past the drive-through counters really doesn’t work; Taco Bell lost valuable customer points that night. Later that morning, Richie Martin picked us up in our motel bringing the additional suitcases we had left at the Martin’s after which she dropped us off at Bush International for the flight to Amsterdam (21 July). While on job transfer, Shell puts the whole family in business class, which for Tim is as close to heaven as it gets on earth (food, drinks, and movies for 10 straight hours – all in a big easy chair) – he doesn’t relate to “On Earth, as it is in Texas”.
We stayed for just over 2 weeks in Holland – all the time in the house of Anne (Mieke’s brother) and Marcelle, who were on vacation with their kids at that time. It was good to meet a lot of family and friends after quite a while again. Luckily Anne & Marcelle & kids came back home a night earlier, so we could even spend a last evening with them before we took off to Amsterdam Airport at 04::00hrs Thursday morning, 8 August. We flew uneventfully via Frankfurt to Bangalore (yes, again the food and the movies for the teenager – and for his dad) and arrived there Friday morning just after midnight. Getting all luggage and going through customs went fairly smoothly, and we were in our hotel around 01:30hrs. We had expected a mad house at the airport, but it was not bad at all – only a number of friendly men flocking around us to help us pushing our carts with suitcases. I know that I (B) look whimpy, but they also believed Tim needed help. So they ripped us of for 60 Indian Rupees (1.5 USD) – I’m still recovering from this financial disaster. Realizing that many construction workers earn 50 Rupees a day, I really felt too generous. Okay seriously, we’ll need some time to get a handle on how to deal with money, tips, gifts, and whatever – will be one of my stress factors I already foresee (yes, that whimpy part again).
The hotel we stayed in for the first two weeks (Royal Orchid, 5 stars – nicknamed by some as the Not-so-Royal-Orchid – they have a Web-site for those who want to check it out; it’s the one at Airport Road) was pretty good, including the food. They had a special, complimentary weight-loss program, so by Monday afternoon (after 4 days) I was down 5 kgs (around 11 lbs for the Yankees among you) – just 80 kgs more to go. Tim didn’t join the program, but Mieke – loyal as ever – did, but was not as efficient as I was. After a week, we got some tasty pills because we had reached our target, and after that we said goodbye to our new best friend the toilet.
Friday afternoon, the day of arrival, our Shell driver took us for some sight-seeing. Our driver, Radju, is a friendly, small-sized man, who is pretty good in speaking Kannada (the local language in the Karnataka state Bangalore is in), and a little limited in English. Great conversations we have – real deep. He imitates an automatic transmission car with a manual gear one, and is able to do most actions in third gear, apart from accelerating on the steeper slopes of a bridge; then even he needs to go down to second or even first gear. I can almost physically feel the pain that the engine must have.
Traffic is interesting here, a little chaotic – like UFC (Ultimately Freaking Chaos) – where it feels if everybody gangs up on pedestrians since they weight least, and they look funny when they jump. Heavy rules, provided it has four wheels. Being a cow rules even more. Those creatures wander everywhere on the road. They are sort of holy, so even if you are heavier, you still stop for them, and suppress the thought about a nice steak on your bbq. Tim saw one lady cleaning the behind of one of those cute animals next to the road, showing that people really care for them. At the end of this story some survival tips for the traffic here. They are sort of funny, a little exaggerated, but still surprisingly close to reality.
To make some of you happy who like to see us again some day, traffic is chaos, but not aggressive; you hardly see people angry, or shouting. Generally it’s like “you’re heavier than I and let me live, so I still love you notwithstanding that you cut me off, make the whole flow of traffic stop, and are ugly”. In actual fact, people are extremely friendly and polite most of the time, even more than in Houston – not at all like Holland…
Saturday (11 August) was interesting (no, don’t worry that I will write about every day – even I wouldn’t have the illusion that anyone would then keep on reading), and we encountered some cultural differences. We had a 10:00hrs appointment at Tim’s school (Indus International School Bangalore) with a lady called Cornelia to finalize Tim’s admission documents and pick up his uniform and books. We left with Radju at 09:00hrs. We couldn’t find real directions with a lot of street names, but knew from Google Earth where it was. Radju didn’t know the place, but after our explanation attempt, he says “okay, no problem”, and we took off. It took us a while to realize that he had no idea where to go, apart from the general direction.
Anyway, after quite some asking and more “okay, no problem”s, we arrived at 09:57 (Yes - in time! Our Dutch souls were at peace.). Instead of a one-on-one with Cornelia, there seemed to be an open day with 100’s of people, so we ended up listening to 2.5 hours of rather boring presentations (one by a General, a few by Colonels, who were likely pursuing second careers) – with no Cornelia in sight. Finally, we were able to track Cornelia with the help of one of the Colonels who had an enormous mustache (probably kicked out of the Army because he was too much of a target). To make a long story not extremely long, at 16:00hrs (instead of 11:00hrs as we had expected) we left the school with only two books, and a bag full of sports clothes – but no uniform, rest of books, and laptop that was also supposed to be there.
So we took away two valuable lessons: 1) “Okay, no problem” means “I have not the slightest idea what you are talking about, you stupid Dutchman, but you pay me, so I’ll be nice”, and 2) an one-hour private appointment means that they would really like you to have a 6-hour period of ultimate fun with another 300 persons. Anyhow, it was sort of a fun day. We met the Dutch Epping family at Indus, who had recently also moved from Houston, and we met a girl from Tim’s class at Awty in Houston, who had also relocated to B’lore during the summer. It’s nice to see familiar faces all of a sudden at the other part of the world; makes me cry less.
Saturday night, Tom Hyde, a Canadian Shell colleague, took us out to a nice Indian restaurant, and he answered many of our questions relevant for survival here, like what to do with people begging, and what type of food is safe or not.
Sunday (12 August) – be strong, not too many detailed days to go – Tom picked us up and took us to his church. Tom drives himself during the weekends, and he impressed us a lot. He considers driving a sort of a dance – I guess with the car horns as the music – and there is something in it. By the way, he told us that his new driving style was less appreciated when he was back in Canada. He goes to a local non-denominational church, with a small group of international people, mainly younger ones connected to some mission organizations. The church was on a crowded first floor of a building in a busy, noisy, rather narrow street – and we would never have found it ourselves. When we entered, the band was playing a song from one of our favorite Christian rock bands, Casting Crowns (Tim and I had listened for hours on end to their CDs when we traveled to our TaeKwon-Do classes almost every day while in Houston). The service started with singing, and it happened that we knew almost all songs with quite a few of them on our favorites list. Those of you who are Christians and have been in other churches will understand the feeling of “home-coming” when you are away from home, pretty far away in our case, and you find that the Christian church is not just something only in your own place and with people you know and from the same culture and color, but a world-wide movement centered around Jesus, irrespective of nationality, social status, and background. We will carefully look around at different churches before we will commit to one, but we will never forget Hope Chapel Bangalore, who helped us starting to get roots in B’lore on our third day here.
These were roughly the first three days, and so far, pretty good. I’ll now just mention some miscellaneous activities and impressions. Monday (13 August) Tim went to school with the school bus, and without uniform. All three of us were nervous. We didn’t precisely know where the school bus would stop, and Tim thought he would be the only one without uniform (not true) and with red hair (true) at school. I had already started my intense weight-loss program, Mieke was getting there, and we were concerned that Tim would go on the program while on his first day at school. Although I enjoyed roughing him up a bit at TaeKwon-Do (as long as it lasts), I would hate that to happen to the kid. We didn’t hear from him that day, so no news is good news. And in fact, just after 5pm he came back and had actually a good – and solid J – day.
Survive…
So before you step in any vehicle, there are a few things you should know about the traffic; just a few hints for survival. Actually, they are applicable to every place in India, except Bihar, where life outside the vehicle is only marginally safer.
India road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.
The hints are as follows.
Do we drive left or right of the road? The answer is: both. Basically you start left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed.
Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don’t get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in the reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don’t stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let’s not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, and romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts) or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment: you may want to read them during traffic jams, while awaiting for the chief minister’s motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over the ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Night driving on Indian roads is in a way like playing Russian Roulette, because you never know who amongst the drivers is loaded.
What looks like premature dawn at the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenom passes.
Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.
Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During daytime, trucks are more visible, but…there are the UFO’s. They have blinking coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing “bhajans”. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Speaking of the Indian Roads, Auto Ricksaws have to be mentioned. An auto-ricksaw is the result of a collision between a ricksaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all around so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral childres are charged half the fare and also learn Newton’s laws of motion enroute to school: auto rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 PM and 11 AM – when the police has gone home and the citizen is the free to enjoy the “freedom of speed” enshrined in our constitution.
Summarized, there are a few rules you should remember, starting with the assumption that Indians believe in reincarnation:
Road Rules for Driving in India
1. The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
2. The following must always be given right-of-way, in descending order of importance: cows, trucks, buses, potholes, elephants, camels, cars, pigs, dogs, motorcycles, goats, bicycles, rickshaws, pedestrians.
3. It is illegal to drive a vehicle without one of the following: Elaborate shrine to Brahma, Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh, Guru Nanak, or a detailed reproduction of Mecca on your dashboard, "OK-Tata-Horn-Please-Use-Dipper-at-Night" painted somewhere on the vehicle, or flashy red fringe across the length of the windshield.
4. Functioning brake lights, turn signals and headlights only distract other drivers. For safety's sake, do NOT use them.
5. Looking at other vehicles to the side or behind you will only distract you. Remove the side-view mirrors and adjust the rear-view mirror so that you can constantly admire your own good looks while driving.
6. All vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: To slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat.
7. USE OF HORN (also known as the sonic fender).
For cars:
Single blast (casual) means "I have not blown my horn for several minutes" or "I blow my horn, therefore I am."
Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, such as in clearing birds, dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.
Long blast (desperate) denotes supplication, as to an oncoming truck, "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we both shall die." In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).
For trucks and buses:
All horn signals have same meaning, "I weigh 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping."
8. RIGHT OF WAY: Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So does traffic from the right. And also traffic in the middle.
9. All traffic at all times, regardless of direction of travel shall occupy the center of the road.
10. In the absence of seat belts, car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds.
Having said all this, isn’t it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to other countries?!
Enjoy India.
Dear family, friends, and undecided category,
The last couple of months have been kind of hectic for us, and therefore we have probably forgotten to mention to a number of you that we were moving from Houston, Texas, to Bangalore, India. Well, we did. Apologies for this mass update; we’ll do our best to answer all personal emails, but hereby we can at least share our status in an efficient way. We intend to send something every couple of months – but we also intended that when we moved to Muscat and to Houston. So don’t hold your breath. For some of you this is already long enough, so feel free to move down to our best regards. For others, below some highly irrelevant news, that will still beat CNN on a bad day.
The last weeks in Houston were occupied with saying goodbye to friends, finalizing the sale of our house and cars, and completing all preparations for the move, like getting Indian Visas, packing and shipping of the household (suitcases, airfreight, and container stuff). The saying-goodbye part was the most difficult, and we will greatly miss our personal friends, friends from Bear Creek Community Church, Global TaeKwon-Do, and from Shell, and we’ll try hard to visit Houston again in the years ahead to meet with them again. When we moved to Houston five years ago, many people told us that that city would be horrible. They were so wrong. We have loved the place, as well as we have loved just living in Yankee Country, and for a long time to come we will think of it as home.
After a week of vacation in Banff National Park (Canada), we flew into Houston for one more night, where around 01:30hrs we found out that perfectly open junkfood joints serve you only if your butt is placed on a car seat, and that walking past the drive-through counters really doesn’t work; Taco Bell lost valuable customer points that night. Later that morning, Richie Martin picked us up in our motel bringing the additional suitcases we had left at the Martin’s after which she dropped us off at Bush International for the flight to Amsterdam (21 July). While on job transfer, Shell puts the whole family in business class, which for Tim is as close to heaven as it gets on earth (food, drinks, and movies for 10 straight hours – all in a big easy chair) – he doesn’t relate to “On Earth, as it is in Texas”.
We stayed for just over 2 weeks in Holland – all the time in the house of Anne (Mieke’s brother) and Marcelle, who were on vacation with their kids at that time. It was good to meet a lot of family and friends after quite a while again. Luckily Anne & Marcelle & kids came back home a night earlier, so we could even spend a last evening with them before we took off to Amsterdam Airport at 04::00hrs Thursday morning, 8 August. We flew uneventfully via Frankfurt to Bangalore (yes, again the food and the movies for the teenager – and for his dad) and arrived there Friday morning just after midnight. Getting all luggage and going through customs went fairly smoothly, and we were in our hotel around 01:30hrs. We had expected a mad house at the airport, but it was not bad at all – only a number of friendly men flocking around us to help us pushing our carts with suitcases. I know that I (B) look whimpy, but they also believed Tim needed help. So they ripped us of for 60 Indian Rupees (1.5 USD) – I’m still recovering from this financial disaster. Realizing that many construction workers earn 50 Rupees a day, I really felt too generous. Okay seriously, we’ll need some time to get a handle on how to deal with money, tips, gifts, and whatever – will be one of my stress factors I already foresee (yes, that whimpy part again).
The hotel we stayed in for the first two weeks (Royal Orchid, 5 stars – nicknamed by some as the Not-so-Royal-Orchid – they have a Web-site for those who want to check it out; it’s the one at Airport Road) was pretty good, including the food. They had a special, complimentary weight-loss program, so by Monday afternoon (after 4 days) I was down 5 kgs (around 11 lbs for the Yankees among you) – just 80 kgs more to go. Tim didn’t join the program, but Mieke – loyal as ever – did, but was not as efficient as I was. After a week, we got some tasty pills because we had reached our target, and after that we said goodbye to our new best friend the toilet.
Friday afternoon, the day of arrival, our Shell driver took us for some sight-seeing. Our driver, Radju, is a friendly, small-sized man, who is pretty good in speaking Kannada (the local language in the Karnataka state Bangalore is in), and a little limited in English. Great conversations we have – real deep. He imitates an automatic transmission car with a manual gear one, and is able to do most actions in third gear, apart from accelerating on the steeper slopes of a bridge; then even he needs to go down to second or even first gear. I can almost physically feel the pain that the engine must have.
Traffic is interesting here, a little chaotic – like UFC (Ultimately Freaking Chaos) – where it feels if everybody gangs up on pedestrians since they weight least, and they look funny when they jump. Heavy rules, provided it has four wheels. Being a cow rules even more. Those creatures wander everywhere on the road. They are sort of holy, so even if you are heavier, you still stop for them, and suppress the thought about a nice steak on your bbq. Tim saw one lady cleaning the behind of one of those cute animals next to the road, showing that people really care for them. At the end of this story some survival tips for the traffic here. They are sort of funny, a little exaggerated, but still surprisingly close to reality.
To make some of you happy who like to see us again some day, traffic is chaos, but not aggressive; you hardly see people angry, or shouting. Generally it’s like “you’re heavier than I and let me live, so I still love you notwithstanding that you cut me off, make the whole flow of traffic stop, and are ugly”. In actual fact, people are extremely friendly and polite most of the time, even more than in Houston – not at all like Holland…
Saturday (11 August) was interesting (no, don’t worry that I will write about every day – even I wouldn’t have the illusion that anyone would then keep on reading), and we encountered some cultural differences. We had a 10:00hrs appointment at Tim’s school (Indus International School Bangalore) with a lady called Cornelia to finalize Tim’s admission documents and pick up his uniform and books. We left with Radju at 09:00hrs. We couldn’t find real directions with a lot of street names, but knew from Google Earth where it was. Radju didn’t know the place, but after our explanation attempt, he says “okay, no problem”, and we took off. It took us a while to realize that he had no idea where to go, apart from the general direction.
Anyway, after quite some asking and more “okay, no problem”s, we arrived at 09:57 (Yes - in time! Our Dutch souls were at peace.). Instead of a one-on-one with Cornelia, there seemed to be an open day with 100’s of people, so we ended up listening to 2.5 hours of rather boring presentations (one by a General, a few by Colonels, who were likely pursuing second careers) – with no Cornelia in sight. Finally, we were able to track Cornelia with the help of one of the Colonels who had an enormous mustache (probably kicked out of the Army because he was too much of a target). To make a long story not extremely long, at 16:00hrs (instead of 11:00hrs as we had expected) we left the school with only two books, and a bag full of sports clothes – but no uniform, rest of books, and laptop that was also supposed to be there.
So we took away two valuable lessons: 1) “Okay, no problem” means “I have not the slightest idea what you are talking about, you stupid Dutchman, but you pay me, so I’ll be nice”, and 2) an one-hour private appointment means that they would really like you to have a 6-hour period of ultimate fun with another 300 persons. Anyhow, it was sort of a fun day. We met the Dutch Epping family at Indus, who had recently also moved from Houston, and we met a girl from Tim’s class at Awty in Houston, who had also relocated to B’lore during the summer. It’s nice to see familiar faces all of a sudden at the other part of the world; makes me cry less.
Saturday night, Tom Hyde, a Canadian Shell colleague, took us out to a nice Indian restaurant, and he answered many of our questions relevant for survival here, like what to do with people begging, and what type of food is safe or not.
Sunday (12 August) – be strong, not too many detailed days to go – Tom picked us up and took us to his church. Tom drives himself during the weekends, and he impressed us a lot. He considers driving a sort of a dance – I guess with the car horns as the music – and there is something in it. By the way, he told us that his new driving style was less appreciated when he was back in Canada. He goes to a local non-denominational church, with a small group of international people, mainly younger ones connected to some mission organizations. The church was on a crowded first floor of a building in a busy, noisy, rather narrow street – and we would never have found it ourselves. When we entered, the band was playing a song from one of our favorite Christian rock bands, Casting Crowns (Tim and I had listened for hours on end to their CDs when we traveled to our TaeKwon-Do classes almost every day while in Houston). The service started with singing, and it happened that we knew almost all songs with quite a few of them on our favorites list. Those of you who are Christians and have been in other churches will understand the feeling of “home-coming” when you are away from home, pretty far away in our case, and you find that the Christian church is not just something only in your own place and with people you know and from the same culture and color, but a world-wide movement centered around Jesus, irrespective of nationality, social status, and background. We will carefully look around at different churches before we will commit to one, but we will never forget Hope Chapel Bangalore, who helped us starting to get roots in B’lore on our third day here.
These were roughly the first three days, and so far, pretty good. I’ll now just mention some miscellaneous activities and impressions. Monday (13 August) Tim went to school with the school bus, and without uniform. All three of us were nervous. We didn’t precisely know where the school bus would stop, and Tim thought he would be the only one without uniform (not true) and with red hair (true) at school. I had already started my intense weight-loss program, Mieke was getting there, and we were concerned that Tim would go on the program while on his first day at school. Although I enjoyed roughing him up a bit at TaeKwon-Do (as long as it lasts), I would hate that to happen to the kid. We didn’t hear from him that day, so no news is good news. And in fact, just after 5pm he came back and had actually a good – and solid J – day.
Survive…
So before you step in any vehicle, there are a few things you should know about the traffic; just a few hints for survival. Actually, they are applicable to every place in India, except Bihar, where life outside the vehicle is only marginally safer.
India road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.
The hints are as follows.
Do we drive left or right of the road? The answer is: both. Basically you start left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed.
Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don’t get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in the reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don’t stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let’s not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, and romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts) or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment: you may want to read them during traffic jams, while awaiting for the chief minister’s motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over the ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Night driving on Indian roads is in a way like playing Russian Roulette, because you never know who amongst the drivers is loaded.
What looks like premature dawn at the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenom passes.
Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.
Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During daytime, trucks are more visible, but…there are the UFO’s. They have blinking coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing “bhajans”. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Speaking of the Indian Roads, Auto Ricksaws have to be mentioned. An auto-ricksaw is the result of a collision between a ricksaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all around so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral childres are charged half the fare and also learn Newton’s laws of motion enroute to school: auto rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 PM and 11 AM – when the police has gone home and the citizen is the free to enjoy the “freedom of speed” enshrined in our constitution.
Summarized, there are a few rules you should remember, starting with the assumption that Indians believe in reincarnation:
Road Rules for Driving in India
1. The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
2. The following must always be given right-of-way, in descending order of importance: cows, trucks, buses, potholes, elephants, camels, cars, pigs, dogs, motorcycles, goats, bicycles, rickshaws, pedestrians.
3. It is illegal to drive a vehicle without one of the following: Elaborate shrine to Brahma, Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh, Guru Nanak, or a detailed reproduction of Mecca on your dashboard, "OK-Tata-Horn-Please-Use-Dipper-at-Night" painted somewhere on the vehicle, or flashy red fringe across the length of the windshield.
4. Functioning brake lights, turn signals and headlights only distract other drivers. For safety's sake, do NOT use them.
5. Looking at other vehicles to the side or behind you will only distract you. Remove the side-view mirrors and adjust the rear-view mirror so that you can constantly admire your own good looks while driving.
6. All vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: To slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat.
7. USE OF HORN (also known as the sonic fender).
For cars:
Single blast (casual) means "I have not blown my horn for several minutes" or "I blow my horn, therefore I am."
Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, such as in clearing birds, dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.
Long blast (desperate) denotes supplication, as to an oncoming truck, "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we both shall die." In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).
For trucks and buses:
All horn signals have same meaning, "I weigh 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping."
8. RIGHT OF WAY: Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So does traffic from the right. And also traffic in the middle.
9. All traffic at all times, regardless of direction of travel shall occupy the center of the road.
10. In the absence of seat belts, car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds.
Having said all this, isn’t it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to other countries?!
Enjoy India.
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